What's that? you want me to what? Do you have any idea how busy I am? Shit well its Tuesday right? I know but... You're right. What do I say though. It's been so long. And my predictions were so far off. But people believed me. I know but. That shit wasn't cheap. I guess I am a sucker for crystal balls and moon dust. No I have no idea. A what? Something about riding the rails or something. No, hobos, not snowboarding. A bowgen is something totally different. No one cares about that. Ok, hang on.
No nothing. I was just... nevermind. No I have no idea. Didn't I just say that? Ok, more cheese pizza though right? Yea, eat more Wok Inn. Right, just rent a scooter next time. Yea, I'll say a real post is coming soon.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Follow up on Guido Beach
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Action Sporting at Guido Beach
Editors Note: Making fun of spiky haired, spray tanned, muscle milk drinking kooks, is too easy, has been massively over done, and is generally below our level here at stale tails. That being said, the following is a true account of a weekend spent on the Jersey Shores, and attempts to show the cool side of action sports, alive and well in the Italian American community.
The pounding waves send spray over the seawall, lightly showering a small crowd. Two men in ripped, acid wash jeans, designer sunglasses, and tight fitting Ed Hardy t-shirts dance next to one another as the gathered spectators look on. Scantly clad young women cheer in accented tongues while others just look on in sheer wonderment, unsure of how to react to the spectacle taking place in front of them.
While such a festive scene is often reserved for spring break locations and Mardi Gras recreations, its just a typical Saturday morning on the New Jersey shore- a place where the budlight (lime please!) flows like water, and the locals know how to keep it cool in the hot summer sun.
Ever since some asshole with a new haircut and a Heineken fetish discovered Youtube its been open season on the “Guido” population. Sure the spray tans, spikey hair, and small t-shirts look funny to those unfamiliar with it, but so do XL jackets, slim fit pants, and dream catchers. The fact of the matter is these dudes and chicks do more for action sports than most could ever know, you could say without the kooks there would be no core, but that would be dumb. What wouldn’t be dumb would be sitting down with the Gaudiest Guido boarder the Jersey Shore has to offer (no not Shane Pospsisil), to find out why his people are so misunderstood, and what’s good with-on Muscle Beach (new slang, not typo).
In the back of a dimly lit Smoothie Bar and Tanning Salon I met Nicky “Vinny” Napalioni. A Construction worker by trade, Nicky considers himself an Entrepreneurial Businessman who is waiting for the right time to launch his clothing company, Rush Blaxt. Vinny’s first started riding at Hunter Mountain in NY, and was the fastest boarder in the Seaside Heights Highschool Class of 2003. Since then his “competitive Career” has slowed considerable, but as he will tell you he still loves to hit the slopes.
Wammybar: Hey Vinny, hows it bro?
Nicky N: Listen Chief, I’ll ask the questions around here
W: …
N: Nah, I’m fucking with you, everything is good bro. USA BABY!
W: Aw, cool man, cool. So how did you get into snowboarding?
N: Funny you should ask that, I read your little write up and it looks like you already said how the fuck I got into snowboarding, so don’t waste my time funny man.
W: Sorry dude, just thought you might want to add to what I said
N: YANKEES BABY! Fuck’in love it!
W: Right. What is the action sports scene like in on the Jersey Shore?
N: Well you know, we like to get after it, and I’m not just talking ‘bout skirts. There is a long history of action sports here in Jersey. It all started when Tony Hollister invented surfing here in the 1970’s, and we haven’t really looked back since. From there it’s gone to skateboarding, skimboarding, muscleboarding, wakeboarding, snowboard’in, shit if its got a board, we got in Jersey baby.
W: Right on. Why do you think NJ has the rep it does?
N: Haha, what the rep? for bein the best fuck’in place in the USA! Fuck’in right! If you wanna say something about our style or whatever, people are just trying to catch up, ya knw what I’m saying? I mean where do you think Armani X-Change started? Aeropsotal? Pac Sun? We brought this shit over with us from Sicily ya know, and its like, we can’t help us if god himself granted us with these good looks, and easily tan-able skin. It’ll take most people a few years to catch up.
W: yup…
TO BE CONTINUED
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Two Thousand and Ten (different) Teasers
Urrghhh… Shoot dang, the last month or so of no updates served as a filter to weed out casual observers of the site. With more than 10k page views a day, it was time to let things cool out for a bit and get the beaters out of here. That plus a quick trip upstate to keep the core score up…
Anyway, spring and summer time isn’t really riding season anymore, but it is teaser season. While, you’ve probably seen all these on Transworld or whatever already, you might want to watch again, just in case you missed something. Every few days we’ll put up a few new ones, so keep your browser locked.
Variety Pack “Not Bad”
Calling a video “Not Bad” is a really good way to keep expectations in check. If they called the video “Really Good” and it wasn’t really good, think about how dumb that would be. This way Eddie has set the bar really low, and you will probably not be underwhelmed.
Vaca Films “So Much to Say”
I don’t really have too much to say about this, except that I wish I had posted it a couple days ago, cause they just put it up on Transworld, and everyone will think that’s where I saw, but I swear I saw it like SOOO long ago. Dang.
Transworld “Get Real”
This video is going to be so rad, it doesn’t even need a teaser, it has a website. Lago, Mikey Rencz, and some other chumps stunt on this one. Whatever whatever bro.
Rome Snowboards “Magic Bus Rides and Love”
Keeping up with snowboard trends is not really that hard.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
A Tats of Spring
Spring time is a time for new things. Its evident all around us- from the sound of the bee’s buzzing, to new buds on the trees, to the new found squirrel lovers chasing one another through those same trees. The sweet smell of fresh foliage fills the air, and the suns rays, recharged from a winters worth of rest, warm the earth.
While for us boarders (snow) spring time means the end of another season, it doesn’t mean that we can’t also share in the newness of spring. Nothing gets you over riding like the fresh redness of a new tat. Something cool is always a good choice, but sometimes something funny is very rad also. If you’re not sure, you can always get something regretful. Check out what these snowboard heavy hitters having been getting tatted with this spring for inspiration.
Bozwreck
Bozwreck
Bozwreck
Burton filmer Tim Manning
The first person to send in a photo of a fresh face tat will win a very awesome prize (prize quality will very based on size and location of face tat). Send entries to staletails@gmail.com
Thanks, and happy inking.
While for us boarders (snow) spring time means the end of another season, it doesn’t mean that we can’t also share in the newness of spring. Nothing gets you over riding like the fresh redness of a new tat. Something cool is always a good choice, but sometimes something funny is very rad also. If you’re not sure, you can always get something regretful. Check out what these snowboard heavy hitters having been getting tatted with this spring for inspiration.
Bozwreck
Bozwreck
Bozwreck
Burton filmer Tim Manning
The first person to send in a photo of a fresh face tat will win a very awesome prize (prize quality will very based on size and location of face tat). Send entries to staletails@gmail.com
Thanks, and happy inking.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Yeahz.
Not only is this the closest thing to a hoverboard currently available on the market, but it will also sand and buff the floor of your dinning room.
Visit the Scarpar team on twitter.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Stay At Home Saturdays: Cross Training and You
For those of you not lucky enough to live somewhere other than the Northeast, the end of board’in season is fast approaching. That being said, the start of next season is just around the corner, and its prime time to start cross training. My cousin is a personal trainer (check out his site here), so I called him up the other day to talk about some good summertime activities to keep fit for the 2010 season. Over the next few Saturday’s (not necessarily Saturday) a few riding category specific posts will be posted for you to get a little more fit by.
Freestyle
If you’re all about air-time make sure you start your next season on the right foot with some freestyle boarding specific cross training. Originally developed for basketball players, Strength Shoes are ergonomically designed to focus on strength building in your lower calf muscle and metacarpal tonal conditioning. Basically just strap these babies on and go about your daily routine. Before you know it you’ll be leaping at least twice as high as you used to.
Please stay tuned for more fitness tips for all boarding types: All Mountain Freestyle, All Mountain, Alpine (Downhill), Alpine (Tandem), Alpine (Slalom), Boarder X, Freeride, All Mountain Freeride, Banked Slalom, Jib, Park, Halfpipe
Freestyle
If you’re all about air-time make sure you start your next season on the right foot with some freestyle boarding specific cross training. Originally developed for basketball players, Strength Shoes are ergonomically designed to focus on strength building in your lower calf muscle and metacarpal tonal conditioning. Basically just strap these babies on and go about your daily routine. Before you know it you’ll be leaping at least twice as high as you used to.Please stay tuned for more fitness tips for all boarding types: All Mountain Freestyle, All Mountain, Alpine (Downhill), Alpine (Tandem), Alpine (Slalom), Boarder X, Freeride, All Mountain Freeride, Banked Slalom, Jib, Park, Halfpipe
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
A Spiritual Journey with Lonnie Kauk
EDITORS NOTE: Please open another browser window, and play this audio while reading. Thanks.
At the beginning of time, the Ancient Spirit created a great people. A thousand times as large as man, the great people followed the herds of Mammoth across the Sierra Plains. The tribe was lead by a very strong young Chief. He was a great hunter, who could jump high into the air, throwing his spear with grace at any game in the plains. But the young Chief grew greedy. No longer caring for the Ancient Spirit, he soon killed all the mammoth in the land, leaving only the creatures small enough to dodge his great weapon.
Soon there was no food for his people, who began to see the unwise ways of their chief. They grew too tired to continue hunting, and chose to stand still. Angered by this the young Chief, who was now also growing hungry, made a deal with the demon serpent snake of the plains. The serpent taught him the magic to steal the souls of his people and feed on thier souls, and in return took all of the Chief's grace away from him. With this new magic in hand, the Chief roamed the plans, stealing his peoples souls in such an inartistic way that even the serpent snake had to cringe, leaving the tribes soulless bodies as great mountains. The Ancient Spirit saw this and blasted the young chief with moon beam so powerful it shattered him into a million pebbles, and returned the tribe their souls.
Today the tribe is known as the Sierra Nevada Mountains Range, and their spirits guard the great peaks they have become...
As red and gold rays brighten the eastern sky, my spirit soars high with the eagle, my body runs with the wolf, my energy is strong like the bear. I feel the spirits of the mountains all around me. I speak to them, they guide me down from their summits, and encourage me to dance through the air above their snow covered slopes. They warn me of the soul sucker, the one who will unbalance my spirit and spin wildly.
Beware of those who do no care for the Ancient Spirit, even if they have a really nice method. wink*-Lonnie
Lonnie Kauk is a professional snowboarder from Yosemite, California. He currently lives in Mammoth Lakes, California, and rides for DC Shoe CO. For more on Lonnie check out Standard Films 2009 release Aesthetica, in stores everywhere.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Shaun hits the Pipe, in Private.
Crouched below the spinning rotor blades, the smell of Redbull mixed with jet fuel is nearly overpowering. As the heli lifts off things begin to take shape around us, the outline of a massive halfpipe just visible through the low light and swirling snow. The sound of the helicopter is suddenly muted as an ultra bright light flashes above, a loud mechanical boom echo’s, and I fall backwards, partially blinded with ears ringing…
Two weeks earlier stories had begun circulating the internet about a private halfpipe being built somewhere deep in the Colorado back country for boardsports super star Shaun White. While speculation may work fine in financial markets, the world of snowboard blogging is not so receptive to the rumor mill, and I knew I had to get to the bottom of the story with this one. A few days of phone calls, faxes, and secret handshakes and I was boarding a plane to somewhere. 20 hours in the air, and I didn’t need to take off my blindfold to know that we weren’t anywhere in Colorado.
Chasing the last rays of light across the desert floor, sometime over the last few hours our plane had turned into a helicopter and we were fast approaching a giant mound on the horizon. The heli slowed its speed and it seemed like we were going to land on the summit of the now fully visible mountain, but as we got closer the top of the mountain began to open. Slowly we entered the roof of the mountain; the hologram of a scientist appeared out of nowhere and began to tell me about the project. Deep within this artificial mountain, located deep within the deserts of La Guajira, Columbia, lies the most perfect artificial halfpipe ever constructed.
Sculpted by gold diamond laser welders, the 22ft pipes transition are true to the 1/1000th of a degree. Due to the heat given off by the lasers, normal snow wouldn’t do, so they created a synthetic snow like material made from mixing cream of wheat with Red Bull. The scientist explained that eating the snow was part of a well balanced breakfast, and each handful had the mind focusing effects of drinking two Red Bulls. While the rumors of a foam pit were unwarranted, the pipe did include a 30ft. extension, a loop, a double loop, and an anti-gravity section powered by one of those stationary sky diving fans.
Back to the flash of light. Paralyzed by fear I had fallen backwards into total darkness. Maybe a minute, maybe an hour or even a week passed, and as I opened my eyes I saw everyone standing around me; Shaun, Jesse, Adam, and even the hologramed scientist. Behind them was a giant robot, a helicopter with airplane wings, standing tall like a giant man, it had a belly of snowcat tracks and a mustache made of pipe cutters. It spoke to me through the scientist, explaining that to keep the pipe properly maintained Redbull had outsourced to a team of groomers from the planet Cybertron. For a quarter of the price of Frank Wells, the hybrid autobot-snowsazaurs not only kept the ground manicured but also protected against decepticon attacks. Once all this was explained to me, Shaun got back to riding, and I got to blogging.
Over the next few days and sleepless nights (courtesy of Redbull based snow seeping through my boots and absorbing into my bloodstream) Shaun elevated his pipe game to Chris Brewster esq. levels, Adam snapped some cover shots, and Jesse sketched a new Target line. While these words can’t fully recap the magnitude of the event, hopefully the T.V. commercials, magazine ads, and billboards will live on, long after the Robots take over.
Two weeks earlier stories had begun circulating the internet about a private halfpipe being built somewhere deep in the Colorado back country for boardsports super star Shaun White. While speculation may work fine in financial markets, the world of snowboard blogging is not so receptive to the rumor mill, and I knew I had to get to the bottom of the story with this one. A few days of phone calls, faxes, and secret handshakes and I was boarding a plane to somewhere. 20 hours in the air, and I didn’t need to take off my blindfold to know that we weren’t anywhere in Colorado.
Chasing the last rays of light across the desert floor, sometime over the last few hours our plane had turned into a helicopter and we were fast approaching a giant mound on the horizon. The heli slowed its speed and it seemed like we were going to land on the summit of the now fully visible mountain, but as we got closer the top of the mountain began to open. Slowly we entered the roof of the mountain; the hologram of a scientist appeared out of nowhere and began to tell me about the project. Deep within this artificial mountain, located deep within the deserts of La Guajira, Columbia, lies the most perfect artificial halfpipe ever constructed.
Sculpted by gold diamond laser welders, the 22ft pipes transition are true to the 1/1000th of a degree. Due to the heat given off by the lasers, normal snow wouldn’t do, so they created a synthetic snow like material made from mixing cream of wheat with Red Bull. The scientist explained that eating the snow was part of a well balanced breakfast, and each handful had the mind focusing effects of drinking two Red Bulls. While the rumors of a foam pit were unwarranted, the pipe did include a 30ft. extension, a loop, a double loop, and an anti-gravity section powered by one of those stationary sky diving fans.
Back to the flash of light. Paralyzed by fear I had fallen backwards into total darkness. Maybe a minute, maybe an hour or even a week passed, and as I opened my eyes I saw everyone standing around me; Shaun, Jesse, Adam, and even the hologramed scientist. Behind them was a giant robot, a helicopter with airplane wings, standing tall like a giant man, it had a belly of snowcat tracks and a mustache made of pipe cutters. It spoke to me through the scientist, explaining that to keep the pipe properly maintained Redbull had outsourced to a team of groomers from the planet Cybertron. For a quarter of the price of Frank Wells, the hybrid autobot-snowsazaurs not only kept the ground manicured but also protected against decepticon attacks. Once all this was explained to me, Shaun got back to riding, and I got to blogging.
Over the next few days and sleepless nights (courtesy of Redbull based snow seeping through my boots and absorbing into my bloodstream) Shaun elevated his pipe game to Chris Brewster esq. levels, Adam snapped some cover shots, and Jesse sketched a new Target line. While these words can’t fully recap the magnitude of the event, hopefully the T.V. commercials, magazine ads, and billboards will live on, long after the Robots take over.
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