A Spiritual Journey with Lonnie Kauk

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At the beginning of time, the Ancient Spirit created a great people. A thousand times as large as man, the great people followed the herds of Mammoth across the Sierra Plains. The tribe was lead by a very strong young Chief. He was a great hunter, who could jump high into the air, throwing his spear with grace at any game in the plains. But the young Chief grew greedy. No longer caring for the Ancient Spirit, he soon killed all the mammoth in the land, leaving only the creatures small enough to dodge his great weapon.

Soon there was no food for his people, who began to see the unwise ways of their chief. They grew too tired to continue hunting, and chose to stand still. Angered by this the young Chief, who was now also growing hungry, made a deal with the demon serpent snake of the plains. The serpent taught him the magic to steal the souls of his people and feed on thier souls, and in return took all of the Chief's grace away from him. With this new magic in hand, the Chief roamed the plans, stealing his peoples souls in such an inartistic way that even the serpent snake had to cringe, leaving the tribes soulless bodies as great mountains. The Ancient Spirit saw this and blasted the young chief with moon beam so powerful it shattered him into a million pebbles, and returned the tribe their souls.



Today the tribe is known as the Sierra Nevada Mountains Range, and their spirits guard the great peaks they have become...

As red and gold rays brighten the eastern sky, my spirit soars high with the eagle, my body runs with the wolf, my energy is strong like the bear. I feel the spirits of the mountains all around me. I speak to them, they guide me down from their summits, and encourage me to dance through the air above their snow covered slopes. They warn me of the soul sucker, the one who will unbalance my spirit and spin wildly.

Beware of those who do no care for the Ancient Spirit, even if they have a really nice method. wink*

-Lonnie

Lonnie Kauk is a professional snowboarder from Yosemite, California. He currently lives in Mammoth Lakes, California, and rides for DC Shoe CO. For more on Lonnie check out Standard Films 2009 release Aesthetica, in stores everywhere.

Shaun hits the Pipe, in Private.

Crouched below the spinning rotor blades, the smell of Redbull mixed with jet fuel is nearly overpowering. As the heli lifts off things begin to take shape around us, the outline of a massive halfpipe just visible through the low light and swirling snow. The sound of the helicopter is suddenly muted as an ultra bright light flashes above, a loud mechanical boom echo’s, and I fall backwards, partially blinded with ears ringing…

Two weeks earlier stories had begun circulating the internet about a private halfpipe being built somewhere deep in the Colorado back country for boardsports super star Shaun White. While speculation may work fine in financial markets, the world of snowboard blogging is not so receptive to the rumor mill, and I knew I had to get to the bottom of the story with this one. A few days of phone calls, faxes, and secret handshakes and I was boarding a plane to somewhere. 20 hours in the air, and I didn’t need to take off my blindfold to know that we weren’t anywhere in Colorado.


Chasing the last rays of light across the desert floor, sometime over the last few hours our plane had turned into a helicopter and we were fast approaching a giant mound on the horizon. The heli slowed its speed and it seemed like we were going to land on the summit of the now fully visible mountain, but as we got closer the top of the mountain began to open. Slowly we entered the roof of the mountain; the hologram of a scientist appeared out of nowhere and began to tell me about the project. Deep within this artificial mountain, located deep within the deserts of La Guajira, Columbia, lies the most perfect artificial halfpipe ever constructed.


Sculpted by gold diamond laser welders, the 22ft pipes transition are true to the 1/1000th of a degree. Due to the heat given off by the lasers, normal snow wouldn’t do, so they created a synthetic snow like material made from mixing cream of wheat with Red Bull. The scientist explained that eating the snow was part of a well balanced breakfast, and each handful had the mind focusing effects of drinking two Red Bulls. While the rumors of a foam pit were unwarranted, the pipe did include a 30ft. extension, a loop, a double loop, and an anti-gravity section powered by one of those stationary sky diving fans.

Back to the flash of light. Paralyzed by fear I had fallen backwards into total darkness. Maybe a minute, maybe an hour or even a week passed, and as I opened my eyes I saw everyone standing around me; Shaun, Jesse, Adam, and even the hologramed scientist. Behind them was a giant robot, a helicopter with airplane wings, standing tall like a giant man, it had a belly of snowcat tracks and a mustache made of pipe cutters. It spoke to me through the scientist, explaining that to keep the pipe properly maintained Redbull had outsourced to a team of groomers from the planet Cybertron. For a quarter of the price of Frank Wells, the hybrid autobot-snowsazaurs not only kept the ground manicured but also protected against decepticon attacks. Once all this was explained to me, Shaun got back to riding, and I got to blogging.


Over the next few days and sleepless nights (courtesy of Redbull based snow seeping through my boots and absorbing into my bloodstream) Shaun elevated his pipe game to Chris Brewster esq. levels, Adam snapped some cover shots, and Jesse sketched a new Target line. While these words can’t fully recap the magnitude of the event, hopefully the T.V. commercials, magazine ads, and billboards will live on, long after the Robots take over.

Rad Tip Tuesday; The Higher Five

High fives have been done to death, everyone from Politicians to Car Salesmen to Skiers slap hands and think it’s cool. This once epic act used to mark the accomplishment of something so rad a normal five just wouldn’t do, has been down graded to something regular Donny’s do at the end of every episode of Room Raider 2.0 (if you haven’t seen it, high five your way to MTV afternoons and catch a glimpse of how retarded America is becoming). So what can be done to re-invent this stale act of awesomeness? Enter the higher five…
Combining all the hype surrounding yoga and stretching with the lost luster of the original high five, the higher five is a high five, but you just reach up like really really high. By reaching as high as you can you are not only getting the endorphin boosting stoke out of stretching, but also proving to your fellow higher fiver that whatever just happened justified the extra effort and reward of reaching just a bit higher.You will immediately notice the effects of the higher five as increased flexibility will make you a way better person, heck you might even be able to grab crail now.

Rad Tip Tuesday; Helpful Hints to Make You More Rad Every Tuesday

I know its Wednesday, but I’ve been on vacation.

Anyway, so an easy way for me to keep updating this blog is by committing to rhyming a word with a day of the week, then writing about it! Its been super helpful for like every other website out there. Buttery Ass Monday, Tastey Tuesday, Wednesday Woe , Thursday Theatre, Fierce Fridays, and Skate Mafia Saturday, are all so catchy that there is no way you wont check those sites on those days to keep updated so… welcome to Rad Tip Tuesday!
Anyway, Rad Tip Tuesday is going to be all about rad tips to help you live a more fulfilled existence. While I may not be the coolest person you know (I probably don’t even know you), chances are I am in your top 5 coolest people you know (even though you don't know me), so when I say something will make you more rad, you should probably listen. Rad Tips will cover all aspects of life, both snowboard and non-snowboard, and will help you do things like pull more chicks, party harder, jump higher, and hold your breathe longer, so make sure you check back every (wednes)Day!

Proper post Friday is coming up soon, so check back then too.

Peace

Wammybar


If that wasn't good enough for you, maybe this video will cheer you up.

Sniffing Glue with the Celsius Boot Crew

With everything that is going on in snowboarding today, its pretty easy to get overwhelmed. I could do an SIA update, maybe spill some secrets on Bond Outerwear’s logo origin? Or how about the junk show that just went down at the X-Games? I could even blog about how cool Snow Scrappers is going to be and how much cooler it would be if they had a down hill ice skating match right after. Lucky for me as I was sitting down to write about all those, I got a call from my good friend Hans at Celsius boots. He and the rest of the boot crew were going to go sniff glue and drive around in a car and they wanted me to come along to get the inside scoop on their new skull candy colab. They picked me up in a totally boss van, we grabbed a couple plastic bags, I turned on the tape recorder, and we were off…

Wammybar- Hey dudes, howdit do?
Rusty Bertleman- Hey man, thanks for coming. We got some like really good glue.

Hans Heedamen- yea dude, like really good glue

Um… like in your boots?
R- nah man, for snifiing

H- yea man, for sniffing

Really, I thought you were joking, like for core score or whatever…
H- nah, for sniffing

We spent the next 5 or so minutes taking turns pouring glue into a bag, then putting it up to our faces and breathing. I dunno if I was doing it wrong or something, but all I got was a headache, Hans and Rusty got pretty wasted though I think. Go on…

So guys tell me about you new colab
H- haha, what

The thing with you and skull candy, how does a boot and headphone team up?
H- what like glue or something?

Huh? Never mind, tell me about you new speed zone system
R- you mean Celsius O.zone lacing system?

I dunno it, kinda looks a lot like speed zone. Isn’t that a copy right issue or something? I mean look at the handles?
R- your mother wears army boots.

H- yea you're an idiot jerk. I mean its like how can you own a handle, nobody owns a handle, its just like a handle. Can you handle that. (Rusty and Hans high five)


Yea dudes, sorry.
H- nah its alright, this glue just makes me a little crazy sometimes.

Alright, cool lets change the subject a bit. Where did the inspiration for the boot come from?
H- well we worked really closely with JP on the design and uh…

Wait JP? JP who?
H- Walker? What other JP’s are there?

Doesn’t he ride for 32?
R- huh?

H- well I mean, yea but whatever. We worked like really hard to get his input on the boots, like design wise.

You guys cereal?
H- was that a question? I think this dude has had too much glue.

Wait what? You're crazy man…
H- you’re the one sniffing glue, stainer.

Continued in prt. 2… Fade to black…

Many Mahalo's

Nothing raises the aloha spirit like a bunch of haole's tossing shakkas! yeah bruddah bruddah! Many mahalo's to the homies at forum!

Grinding into our Soul’s: Nike SB is Legit!

As a street musician plays an off beat rendition of Korn’s “Freak on a Leash” it happens. Faint at first, the sound of skates clacking over bricks steadily grows louder, until as if shot out of a cannon the blader blasts past me. Jumping high into the air he turns 180 degrees, landing backwards on the ledge, hand firmly grasping his kicked out leg. As he slides down the ledge, the last rays of a setting sun cast a golden halo around the fluffed out second tongue of this skates. Hopping off the ledge the blader continues down the road, and as he slowly disappeared into the horizon, so disappeared the totally boss idea of a double tongue from my memory. Until now…
When I first saw the all new Nike Zoom Force 1 “Double Tongue,” I knew I had seen them before, but just couldn’t put my finger on it. Laying in bed late that night, however, the imagery came rushing back like Jager shots after a push-up contest, and I was immediately back on that city street, music playing, blades thrashing. Nike has done some pretty cool shit so far (helicopter shots in urban Spokane, signing Gigi, etc), but having the fore- sight (or after-thought) to re-introduce double tongues to snowboarding takes the cake. Good on ya mates!

And By the Way…

Just wanted to let all my homies in Waterbury know that I’m not going to talk about how you got butt hurt over the post. Or about how you tried to fight me, and don’t worry I know that “nobody messes with Ron.” Thanks for being cool and apologizing though! See you on the slopes!

Looking back on the year that will be 2009

The next couple hundred words predict the events that will shape snowboarding in 2009.


January-

Pro shreds from around the globe gather in Mt. Snow Vermont for the Dew Tour. It rains for the first two days, the last day its -5. NBC asks why their tour stops on the East Coast, and the event is relocated to Big Bear for 2010. Shaun wins, Mikkel is the stand out performer. Eero Ettala gets sun burned in a tanning booth, and still wins x-games slopestyle. Chris Englesman wins a hot dog eating contest at SIA.


February-

A new shred crew in Europe called the "Zombies" starts blowing up transworld with sick weekly videos. No one knows who any of the dudes are, but it seems like they all ride for Burton. Gigi films a part for their major film to be released next fall.


March-

The snowboard world again finds itself in Vermont for the US Open. The weather is the same as it always is. Shaun qualifies first but doesn’t show up for the finals, Louie Vito wins, but no one can remember what he did.

Gooner competes in the slopestyle, does some backside 180’s and unclassifiable jibs, he doesn’t make the finals. Hannah wins women’s pipe, or maybe it was Kelly, does anyone know the difference? Trouble Gang plays the after show, everyone talks about how dope it was when Big Pun played.


April-

Quik CEO Bob McKnight makes a bet with Volcom CEO Wooly and fires Quik’s marketing manager. They replace him with a homeless person. Travis Rice hits a big jump, Blauvelt does a line that makes everyone want to go out and buy a snowmobile, and Nicolas does something really cool, than makes us feel bad for wanting a snowmobile.



May-

Quik’s recently fired marketing manager starts a turtle-neck company with Travis Parker and Nima Jalali. The turtle necks use discarded Audex technology and run on d batteries. All the kids have to have them for camp season, Nike buys the company. North Face starts filming for its NoBoard/Telemark Ski movie entitled “All Heels” in AK, Dicks Sporting Goods pays for the heli time. MFM is arrested for tax evasion. Joe Sexton blows out his knee again, and starts developing a new Jean’s line with built in knee brace, they are really tight (physically, not culturally) and hard to put on.


June-

Burton’s marketing department releases a news letter. It is 800 pages long, and crashes all their reps email servers. Orders are delayed, and no one reads it (years later Lyndon State College in VT dedicates a class to study it). The Dingo is arrested and deported for soliciting under age girls and drug possession, Totino’s cancels Danny Kass’s contract. Snow park in NZ doubles the size of its park again, Jimmy’s meat pies has three signature features.



July-

Ken Block jumps his car over the grand canyon, then announces his plans to start an extreme submarine racing circuit, Red Bull co signs it. Libtech unveils its latest technology “The Frownanana,” it features reversed reverse camber and straightoTRaction edges, it is labeled as the future of snowboarding and other companies scramble to catch up.


August-

Bode Merril’s bindings spontaneously catch on fire while he is trying a triple back flip at high cascade, and burn holes in his pants. A new style is born, and Union makes a commemorative binding with flames on it. It never snows in Australia, and Dingo’s bad luck continues as he is beat up by a group of Bowgins live on go211.com at the NZ Open.


September-

The new Grenade video “Stoned Times at Boned High” is released to rave reviews. Gooner’s part is hands down part of the year, only to be later discredited because it was actually Forest Bailey’s part, but no one could tell the difference.


October-

Danny Davis fails a pre-olympic qualifier drug tests. NBC freaks out and cancel’s its support of the Dew Tour, and begins focusing on ice dancing as the Olympics money making event, Alexander Abt is their new poster boy. On the lighter side of things Shaun and Danny realize they both listen to the same trance music and become best friends. Danny quits the Frends crew and he and Shaun start a new gang called the home-ee (pronounced homies). Mason and KP quit snowboarding and start surfing, Scotty is too busy working on new tech for Flow to care, and, according to Keir’s facebook status he is way bummed about the end of the frends, but hopes he can be part of the home-ee. Rumor has it he (Keir) fell out of favor with the Frends once they were old enough to buy beer for themselves.


November-

MFM is released from prison. Kelly Slater wins his 10th surfing world title, Quik files for bankruptcy before paying his bonus. Wooly wins the bet, Patagonia buys Quik. RDM, DCP, and JP release their new board line “yes we did.” People buy them, but the boards suck. Romain gets drunk. Harrison Grey is leading going into the finals of the grand prix at Copper slopestyle but gets bit by a wolf before his run, Lonnie Kauk wins. Gooner wins rider of the year.


December-

Early season snow sends every film crew in the country to Quebec City, Stevie Bell gets arrested, Keegan frontboards a cement ledge with 4 kinks and 2 turns in it, Jeremy invents a new trick. Stale Tails wins best blog of 2009, rawkus records buys it. Daniel Franck qualifies for the US olympic snowboard team.

The Carpentine Code

Deep within the inte7net many sec7ets lay, the key to gr59t fortune and baller st88tus pay. Cod3s and m4ssages if you kn6w where to 7ook, ga1n you access to the m0st hidd4n of book. Follow th2se clues to a tee, pin of five l8tters, card number thirteen add three. Decode this for a prize better than norm, from Burton Snowboards comes a proform. 4

• 1^st Letter- at :10 the one dude says “I hate …” The first letter of the thing he hates is the first piece of the code.
• 2^nd Letter- In the Industry Step-In: Rome SDS post you called me an idiot in the comments, and the first letter of you’re name starts with the 2^nd letter of the code.
• 3^rd Letter- Is the first letter of the dudes name whose division rank was 38
• 4th Letter- The best snowboarder in the world has this letter twice is his last name, but you only need to use it once. Need more hints? He once rode for Forum, but left cause they are beat. He has epic parts in The Boned Age and Familia. If you still need help you are a kewk, but you can ask in the comments section.
• 5^th Letter- The final letter is represented by this signal flag. The end of your journey begins here with barefootbruce. Look toward the comments for guidance