Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Truff About Ruf


It’s old news now, but Burton wonder kid turned Un… Inc super star Gigi Ruf is now riding head to board for the puppet masters at Volcom (I’ll explain later). Sure Volcom is a cool brand, but why leave the unequivocal leader in the snowboard industry (Burton), for the publically traded leader in action sports core score (Volcom)? The internet is full of rumors. Maybe his soda was flatted cause Un… Inc is coming to an end, maybe Shaun needed a new Lambo, maybe 1998 called and said the Volcom Stone was the coolest sticker around, or maybe he was just bummed cause Gryme Time got cut from the team. Whatever you have heard, we are about to set the record straight…


...These photos are probably pretty self explanatory, but I will elaborate.


After leading a meditation retreat this summer, I was invited by David Miscavige (if you don’t know, google it dummy) to help him out with a special project. He and some of his homies had recently purchased stock in a not so small action sports company based out of Costa Mesa, CA, and they were interested in expanding its growth potential by capitalizing on the “snowboarding” market. While not knowing much about it, Dave had made a fortune off some roller blade companies in the past, so he knew what he had to be done. After doing some research Dave found some potential “pro athletes” to promote his new company and help push their proddy. The only problem was, none of the “athletes” he wanted would ever dream of riding their snowboards for such a wack brand. This wasn’t the first time Dave had faced such issues. A few years back he had to build hype around a religion he was helping to get off the ground, and there was a very simple solution: Lenticular-auxillary-manipulative-exploration also know as LAME or more commonly mind control.


After five weeks of staring into a power crystal, under the false pretense of shakra cleansing, one of my favorite snowboarders closed the door on Burton and joined forces with everything that is wrong with the “industry.” It’s a sad day for me, a sad day for shredding, and a disappointing day for all the kewks that think Volcom is good for snowboarding.

6 comments:

iannn said...

both companies suck, and now gigi ruf sucks. he the largest corporation in snowboarding for the largest corporation in action sports. FUCK burton, FUCK volcom, and FUCK gigi ruf

alehcim said...

How do I join LAME? Contact info please?

Brett said...

SUCK! this news is really sogging my krispies!

Brian said...

Volcom makes boards??? Since when?

todd said...

gig rocks wherever he goes

James said...

haters, do something more constructive with your time