Monday, December 29, 2008

Looking back on the year that will be 2009

The next couple hundred words predict the events that will shape snowboarding in 2009.


Pro shreds from around the globe gather in Mt. Snow Vermont for the Dew Tour. It rains for the first two days, the last day its -5. NBC asks why their tour stops on the East Coast, and the event is relocated to Big Bear for 2010. Shaun wins, Mikkel is the stand out performer. Eero Ettala gets sun burned in a tanning booth, and still wins x-games slopestyle. Chris Englesman wins a hot dog eating contest at SIA.


A new shred crew in Europe called the "Zombies" starts blowing up transworld with sick weekly videos. No one knows who any of the dudes are, but it seems like they all ride for Burton. Gigi films a part for their major film to be released next fall.


The snowboard world again finds itself in Vermont for the US Open. The weather is the same as it always is. Shaun qualifies first but doesn’t show up for the finals, Louie Vito wins, but no one can remember what he did.

Gooner competes in the slopestyle, does some backside 180’s and unclassifiable jibs, he doesn’t make the finals. Hannah wins women’s pipe, or maybe it was Kelly, does anyone know the difference? Trouble Gang plays the after show, everyone talks about how dope it was when Big Pun played.


Quik CEO Bob McKnight makes a bet with Volcom CEO Wooly and fires Quik’s marketing manager. They replace him with a homeless person. Travis Rice hits a big jump, Blauvelt does a line that makes everyone want to go out and buy a snowmobile, and Nicolas does something really cool, than makes us feel bad for wanting a snowmobile.


Quik’s recently fired marketing manager starts a turtle-neck company with Travis Parker and Nima Jalali. The turtle necks use discarded Audex technology and run on d batteries. All the kids have to have them for camp season, Nike buys the company. North Face starts filming for its NoBoard/Telemark Ski movie entitled “All Heels” in AK, Dicks Sporting Goods pays for the heli time. MFM is arrested for tax evasion. Joe Sexton blows out his knee again, and starts developing a new Jean’s line with built in knee brace, they are really tight (physically, not culturally) and hard to put on.


Burton’s marketing department releases a news letter. It is 800 pages long, and crashes all their reps email servers. Orders are delayed, and no one reads it (years later Lyndon State College in VT dedicates a class to study it). The Dingo is arrested and deported for soliciting under age girls and drug possession, Totino’s cancels Danny Kass’s contract. Snow park in NZ doubles the size of its park again, Jimmy’s meat pies has three signature features.


Ken Block jumps his car over the grand canyon, then announces his plans to start an extreme submarine racing circuit, Red Bull co signs it. Libtech unveils its latest technology “The Frownanana,” it features reversed reverse camber and straightoTRaction edges, it is labeled as the future of snowboarding and other companies scramble to catch up.


Bode Merril’s bindings spontaneously catch on fire while he is trying a triple back flip at high cascade, and burn holes in his pants. A new style is born, and Union makes a commemorative binding with flames on it. It never snows in Australia, and Dingo’s bad luck continues as he is beat up by a group of Bowgins live on at the NZ Open.


The new Grenade video “Stoned Times at Boned High” is released to rave reviews. Gooner’s part is hands down part of the year, only to be later discredited because it was actually Forest Bailey’s part, but no one could tell the difference.


Danny Davis fails a pre-olympic qualifier drug tests. NBC freaks out and cancel’s its support of the Dew Tour, and begins focusing on ice dancing as the Olympics money making event, Alexander Abt is their new poster boy. On the lighter side of things Shaun and Danny realize they both listen to the same trance music and become best friends. Danny quits the Frends crew and he and Shaun start a new gang called the home-ee (pronounced homies). Mason and KP quit snowboarding and start surfing, Scotty is too busy working on new tech for Flow to care, and, according to Keir’s facebook status he is way bummed about the end of the frends, but hopes he can be part of the home-ee. Rumor has it he (Keir) fell out of favor with the Frends once they were old enough to buy beer for themselves.


MFM is released from prison. Kelly Slater wins his 10th surfing world title, Quik files for bankruptcy before paying his bonus. Wooly wins the bet, Patagonia buys Quik. RDM, DCP, and JP release their new board line “yes we did.” People buy them, but the boards suck. Romain gets drunk. Harrison Grey is leading going into the finals of the grand prix at Copper slopestyle but gets bit by a wolf before his run, Lonnie Kauk wins. Gooner wins rider of the year.


Early season snow sends every film crew in the country to Quebec City, Stevie Bell gets arrested, Keegan frontboards a cement ledge with 4 kinks and 2 turns in it, Jeremy invents a new trick. Stale Tails wins best blog of 2009, rawkus records buys it. Daniel Franck qualifies for the US olympic snowboard team.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Carpentine Code

Deep within the inte7net many sec7ets lay, the key to gr59t fortune and baller st88tus pay. Cod3s and m4ssages if you kn6w where to 7ook, ga1n you access to the m0st hidd4n of book. Follow th2se clues to a tee, pin of five l8tters, card number thirteen add three. Decode this for a prize better than norm, from Burton Snowboards comes a proform. 4

  • 1st Letter- at :10 the one dude says “I hate …” The first letter of the thing he hates is the first piece of the code.
  • 2nd Letter- In the Industry Step-In: Rome SDS post you called me an idiot in the comments, and the first letter of you’re name starts with the 2nd letter of the code.
  • 3rd Letter- Is the first letter of the dudes name whose division rank was 38
  • 4th Letter- The best snowboarder in the world has this letter twice is his last name, but you only need to use it once. Need more hints? He once rode for Forum, but left cause they are beat. He has epic parts in The Boned Age and Familia. If you still need help you are a kewk, but you can ask in the comments section.
  • 5th Letter- The final letter is represented by this signal flag. The end of your journey begins here with barefootbruce. Look toward the comments for guidance

Monday, December 15, 2008

Progressing Progression: The Four Greatest Inventions of the Future of Snowboarding Prt. 3 of 4

Motor Board
Forget what I said about environmental whatever whatever. Having to remember to bring your snowboard AND snowmobile for a day in the back country is a boner chiller, so why not just get a snowboard that IS a snowmobile and save yourself the extra step. Plus gas is cheap, and if you’re an American and DON’T have a Motor board, you’re probably a communist and should turn yourself in for re-education.

Power Board'in! from stale tails on Vimeo.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Progressing Progression: The Four Greatest Inventions of the Future of Snowboarding Prt. 2 of 4


In an age of environmental consciousness, sometimes we need look into alternative energy sources. Everyone says “what about wind,” and I say cool, just don’t “blow it” next time you get “blown into” a jump, LOL ;)!! The best part is that, if there is no snow, you can just use your blades or something.



Thursday, December 11, 2008

Progressing Progression: The Four Greatest Inventions of the Future of Snowboarding Prt. 1 of 4

Gold Fish are the greatest snack of all time. The first few handfuls are like totally awesome, but after a while your hands get a little greasy, and you want to stop eating them. Diminishing marginal utility is no joke and expert boarderz, like myself, need to be careful that snowboarding doesn’t get gold fished, so over the next four days, I will let you in on the Four Greatest Inventions of the Future of Snowboarding, so you can keep you game fresh and your scene tight from day one to one million.

The Swiveler.
At a slight 15.8 ounces (for you non-drug dealers that’s just under a pound), the Swiveler could just be the heaviest thing to happen to your snowboarding since beanies with headphones in them. But don’t take my word for it, just listen to what pro boarder Dave Rosen has to say…

"Hi, my name is Dave Rosen and I have been riding your swivler for 1 year its great. I have been snowboarding for the past 10 years and currently ride Mt. Bachelor . Last season when I started to ride the Swivler, I didnt think of using it for the lift line but, just a way to do more tricks. I would come up to a jump in the park with one foot straped in and the other unstraped, once i got into the air i would turn my board in a 360 while my body stays still and doesn't move. Last year I tried it in a competition but didn't land it, however I did get mad props for trying such a trick, you also get lots of looks from other people cause they have never seen such a thing before. This is a very difficult trick and can cause serious injury unless you have alot of experience this should not be attempted but if you do, be careful it's a rush. By the way I vote for a pink one."

Dave Rosen

Pro Snowboarder

Bend, Oregon

Monday, December 8, 2008


In 1981 I bought a DeLorean. It was sick, it had gullwing doors, and I knew it would get me tons of chicks...

…While even though my DeLorean was like, really awesome and made of solid gold, things didn’t really work out how I wanted them to. It didn’t actually get me tons of chicks, my time travel kit never worked right, and the hood would pop open if I went over 50. The moral of the story is that sometimes new companies have some growing pains, and first runs are sometimes kind of bunk.

So what does this have to do with snowboarding? Well, with so many new companies (or new to certain aspects of snowboarding anyway) breaking into the “market,” I just wanted to send out my assurance, that well things don’t always work perfect right away, give it time and all the problems will work themselves out. Right?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Industry Step-In: ROME SDS

Having a blog is easy, keeping it updated is hard. Being a Bikini Inspector is not the most rewarding job, but occasionally I get to travel, and sometimes those travels take me to shred mecca’s like Waterbury, Vermont. This past weekend (Thanksgiving), I happened to be in Waterbury to judge the Waterbury Junior College Bikini Bake-Off, and while there I thought I would stop into ROME SDS Headquarters and see whats up.

Owner and founder Donald Rome is apparently a huge stail tale’s fan, so he was more than happy to sit down, and answer a few hard hitting questions. As much of an enigma as a man, taking the time to read this interview with Don could be the most effective use of you time since you book-marked

R. Wammybar: Hey Don, hows it bro?
Donald Rome: Fine.

Uh, cool. Ill just get right into this I guess, when and why did you start ROME SDS?
May 6th, 2001 we officially became a snowboarding company. Basically I had just sold my hovercraft business on Cape Cod (MA) and had some money I wanted to start a snowboard company with. A few friends of mine had just left Burton Snowboards, and we pretty much just decided to drop in.

Burton guys ay? What did they do their?
Well, as you might remember, 2001 was the beginning of the end of the step-in binding era. My friends had been the project managers for the Burton SI system, and when the big wigs up in Burlington decided to cut the program, they jumped ship. Both share an intense passion for boardsports, and their passion ran especially deep for step-in bindings. Originally Rome was going to do only Step-In bindings, we thought we could dominate the market, but after a few botched prototypes and some market research, we just sold all our tech to FLOW and focused on snowboards.

Woah baby, that’s cool. I would still wear step-ins today if I could find them
Yeah, same.

I was joking…
Me too (wink*)

While on the topic of Burton, tell me a little bit about your “This is Snowboarding” promotion
Well, because of snowboarding a lot of things have changed in all of our lives. It means something different to everyone and we wanted to give people the chance to speak out, and let us know what it (snowboarding) means to them.

Cool idea, sounds familiar… Tell me about your powder sucks ad, that was pretty dope
Yeah thanks. Really with that one we just didn’t have a lot of money to put into creative, and that step-child board is pretty neat, so we just stole the idea. No big deal though, right?

Word. Well cool man, thanks for taking the time to do this
No problem bro, keep up the good work. is for sure my second favorite site, after the ROME one of course! PEACE!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Stunt Boarder to Stunt Man: The Ben Hinkley Story

The daytime warmth had long given way to the chill of Vermont night. Everyone was exhausted from a day of spectating, legs tired and cramping, shoes icy and wet, but no one could leave. History was in the making, snowboarding was changing. The year was 2000 and this was the last ever US Open Big Air event.

That in itself is far from pivotal. What was pivotal, however, was Ben Hinkley’s performance. In what many would consider the peak of his (snowboard) career, Hinkley had been slaying the big air scene all season with his signature lawn dart, and was a shoe in for the Open title. In the first round of the big air finals, Hinkley thrilled the crowd as he dove through the air head first, flipping around to land cleanly on his feet at the last second. Spectators cheered, but the judges did not, and Ben was left needing a big score. In an unfamiliar position Ben’s nerves got the best of him, and he fell in his second run. Great competitors are fueled by great competition, they thrive when their backs are to wall, and that fall was all the motivation Ben needed. In his final run he sent it; soaring over the nose of his board on the take off, turning chaos into beauty as he flipped over and over; two full front flipping rotations left the crowd stunned. Riding down the landing, arms raised, it was a forgone conclusion that Ben had just won the US Open, the judges just had to make it official…

...But the judges made a stand, rewarding lateral spins over vertical stunts, and as Ben’s name slowly fell down the leader board, his character quickly sank into obscurity. (Jussi’s switch back 9 won, and he is still reigning US Open Big air champ)

Flash forward to 2007. Nearly eight years later the highs and lows of professional snowboarding once again find Ben Hinkley on center stage, awaiting a judge’s score, albeit a totally different stage and a totally different score. This time it is not a double front flip that will determine his fate at the US Open, but a blooper filled snowboarding run along side Queen Latifah at the Tourus World Stunt Awards (nominated for the film Last Holiday(2006)). Ben didn’t win the award for best specialty stunt that night, but he did take a giant step forward for all aging professional riders. The transition from stunt snowboarder to stunt man will never be an easy one, but thanks to Ben the path is lit.

hinkley 2x front flip xtreme from stale tails on Vimeo.


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Putting the D back in Snowboar: Shaun White Snowboarding

Combining breathtakingly underwhelming graphics with mindnumbingly prohibitive controls Shaun White Snowboarding is a video game about snowboarding. Inspired by the snowboarding of Shaun White, and the snowboarding lifestyle itself, Shaun White Snowboarding is about more than just “tricking” and “going fast” while snowboarding, its about living life, taking risks, and riding down hill while snowboarding just like Shaun White on a physics driven “havoc” snowboard. Yeah Snowboarding!! (if anyone has a sound bite of T Pain saying awesome, email it to and I'll add it here)

Shaun White Snowboarding from Frozen Nature on Vimeo.

Unfortunately even with an Urkeled focus, this game was unable to keep my attention and was really kind of a sog fest. Surely Shaun was too busy driving his Red Bull fueled Geländewagen to test it himself, and although wildly disappointing, Shaun White Snowboarding is still way better than Scrable for game boy (the computer is too good even on easy), so go buy yourself a couple copies!!

(this post was a lesson in SEO, Shaun White!)

Monday, November 10, 2008

Chas'ing the Dream

The first day of 1995 was a Sunday. Some places were warm, some were cold, wet or dry, cloudy or sunny, it didn’t matter, because for most, 1995 started just like any other year.

One young man, however, was about to witness an event that would forever change his life. A breath-taking spectacle for all in attendance, the Eikedalen Freestyle has long been known as Norway’s premier event for high-flying acrobatics and envelope pushing aerials. While this may be well known to you and I, it was not well known to a young Cindy Guldemond.

Only a few weeks before the EF went down, Cindy had, on a whim, substituted her double pack of Winston 100’s for a Lucky14 Scratch off Lottery ticket. Cindy had never considered herself a lucky woman, born and raised on the racetracks of Laconia, NH; she had lived a hard life. Her father Charles Sr., or Chas for short, had nearly made it on the funny car drag race circuit, but during his first professional race a freak traction problem saw his car spin out of control. Four full circular rotations later, Chas was physically fine, but mentally he was unable to race anymore, always afraid of spinning out of control. Cindy had spent her adolescence dealing with her fathers aguish, but knew it was time for her to focus her attention on something else, her young son. At only 8 years old Chas Jr. shared little of his namesakes fear of spinning; bold and outspoken, Cindy saw hope in his shiny green eyes, and that is why, on that December day she gave Chas her scratch ticket.

They say that everything happens for a reason, and when Chas uncovered four leprechauns on that ticket, Cindy knew there was a reason they won a trip to a small ski field in Norway. Not the typical scratch off prize, they were both shocked and excited at their win. A few days of planning, a few bags packed, a few hours of traveling, and this story takes us back to where it started, The Eikedalen Freestyle.

The sky was grey and cold, the jump dark, and the light flat, but that didn’t deter the competitors from putting it all on the line. Chas and Cindy had never seen eagles so spread or daffy’s so split, both were thoroughly impressed, but no amount of impression could prepare them for what they were about to see. In an instant, a lifetime of fear and uncertainty would be put at ease, a jumbled existence would be put in order, and a young boy would see what he would be as a grown man. History has passed over the skiers name, but not his trick.

While “spinning to win” seems so obvious to us all today, it was not always so clear. It was not long ago that amplitude and style could best multiple spins in competition, and if it weren’t for past legends like the unknown skier above, or for living legends like the young boy turned man Chas Guldmond, people might still be trying to do aesthetically pleasing tricks in competition.

Thanks Chas, you are an inspiration to us all.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Pony Tale!

Horses don’t really remind me of snowboarding, neither do ponies. This must be some kind of inside joke…

Pony Tale from Actionhorse Films on Vimeo.

…either way, as much as I like to spread hate, Hampus, Jakob, Gulli, and crew put together a pretty dope film. Not so much for the snowboarding, but for the positive Ju-ju it creates for my spirit wave. That plus those knee drag methods were rather carbonated.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Eastern Boarder Team Drinks One too Many White Wine Spritzers…

Check out the new Eastern Boarder Video if you want, its got carbonation for sure. Some pretty dangerous rails from Maine to California, and neat backcountry action from Tahoe to uh… Mammoth or so. All in all some rad snowboarding. What wasn’t that rad was when a few of the team decided it would be cool to roll their pants up over their boots, and then go riding flood pants style. Nice one guys, at least you’ll be able to get your boots off faster when your boy friend says its snuggle time.

Whatever though, I thought the video was dope anyway, and its free. Decide for yourself, watch it here or down load from the EB site

Part 1

Part 2

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Truff About Ruf

It’s old news now, but Burton wonder kid turned Un… Inc super star Gigi Ruf is now riding head to board for the puppet masters at Volcom (I’ll explain later). Sure Volcom is a cool brand, but why leave the unequivocal leader in the snowboard industry (Burton), for the publically traded leader in action sports core score (Volcom)? The internet is full of rumors. Maybe his soda was flatted cause Un… Inc is coming to an end, maybe Shaun needed a new Lambo, maybe 1998 called and said the Volcom Stone was the coolest sticker around, or maybe he was just bummed cause Gryme Time got cut from the team. Whatever you have heard, we are about to set the record straight…

...These photos are probably pretty self explanatory, but I will elaborate.

After leading a meditation retreat this summer, I was invited by David Miscavige (if you don’t know, google it dummy) to help him out with a special project. He and some of his homies had recently purchased stock in a not so small action sports company based out of Costa Mesa, CA, and they were interested in expanding its growth potential by capitalizing on the “snowboarding” market. While not knowing much about it, Dave had made a fortune off some roller blade companies in the past, so he knew what he had to be done. After doing some research Dave found some potential “pro athletes” to promote his new company and help push their proddy. The only problem was, none of the “athletes” he wanted would ever dream of riding their snowboards for such a wack brand. This wasn’t the first time Dave had faced such issues. A few years back he had to build hype around a religion he was helping to get off the ground, and there was a very simple solution: Lenticular-auxillary-manipulative-exploration also know as LAME or more commonly mind control.

After five weeks of staring into a power crystal, under the false pretense of shakra cleansing, one of my favorite snowboarders closed the door on Burton and joined forces with everything that is wrong with the “industry.” It’s a sad day for me, a sad day for shredding, and a disappointing day for all the kewks that think Volcom is good for snowboarding.